Lately, I’ve noticed that there’s been a surge in the number of men taking bubble baths after a long hard day at work, or outdoors. I wonder if that’s because we don’t have to squander our water as much as others do? Or is it the feeling you get when you relax in a bathtub filled with clean water, topped off with a creamy scented foam (plus a dash of pine sol) and scalding hot ready to melt away anything toxic on your body? These days, you can’t be sure of what material you soaked yourself in after coming out of the bath. So, a full body dryer is recommended as the better solution for being clean and toxic-free.
Not that I really care about taking baths. But it seems that once a decade a bath is doable since the skin does need some softening after 10 years of warding off back stabs and other annoying irritants that get under your skin. Washing is good for the soul, as all those sins just disappear. You re-emerge a devout, reborn human, until another decade passes, and the cleansing is repeated.
Of course, the daily shower should not be avoided. Just because soap bubbles are so alluring, it doesn’t mean that you don’t go without showering once month at the minimum. Take my word for it, cleanliness is next to godliness, because once you do, your skin will love you more than you love it.
As it seems, regular cleaning of the epidermis is suggested as well washing away other things like bacterium, mite poop, dead skin, eye crud, fingernail dirt, and earwax. Yes, a complete makeover, providing you have enough fresh towels on hand for a second and third scrubbing.
You may wonder whether I work six-week shifts in a coal mine? No, it’s just that I have only one place to wash in the house. Plus I’m the only male in the household, which means I have limited and fleeting access to the bathroom. If I’m lucky, I can get a time slot before 6am once a month, depending on whether that last itch is still there or somehow, magically disappeared when I used the rake to calm down the intense distraction of dry, itchy skin.
As far as soaps go, I prefer any scent that doesn’t smell like strawberry or anything edible for that matter. I prefer simple shampoo, with no need for conditioners or harsh soaps that remove all oils and double as engine oil spill cleaner. I use only one towel, as I believe in saving the planet one laundry pod at a time. The only issue I have is maintaining my toenails, because sometimes I have to use bolt cutters to get that perfect pedicure.
And to top it all off, I shave the aging white stubble that passes for caribou moss on my face a few times before the blade gets too dull. Usually, I don’t skimp on the razor blades, but at 60 bucks for a three pack, I try to get at least 10 uses per blade.
Now everyone knows my hygienic cycle which I break once a decade for a bubble bath. It’s the key in maintaining that nature will never be spoiled by this phosphate-free non-soapster beatnik, until the next time.