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Voices ᐋ ᐄᔮᔨᐧᒫᓂᐧᐃᒡ

Jacques le Chaud

BY Sonny Orr Dec 30, 2020

Having recently acquired a Homebase Alexa, I ask it many questions, the most frequent being about the temperature and weather. This is not a silly question, as it makes a big difference when lining up outside. 

Is there a temperature range for this virus that makes it say, “Hey, I think I’ll die now because it’s too cold to stay alive”? Or does it just hibernate until it revives itself in a warm porch or something? 

Just asking for a shy friend who doesn’t want to wait outdoors all day for a coffee at Tims. Could not a large franchise go mobile with oodles of fresh coffee and pastries, sort of an adult version of the ice cream truck? Just fantasizing, maybe someone could make big bucks with this, only to go belly up when the vaccine comes in.

Hopefully 2020 will just be a bad memory, fodder for hundreds of B-movies for a decade or two. Like a long prequel to some bad zombie movie, it will take some years to shake off, but lessons will be learned from this year. 2021 better be a good year to us all. 

For starters, the mask stays on. But will total face coverings become a new fad? Anonymity now bestows prestige, but being the unknown person is expensive when only a mask hides your identity. Then again, this might all just fade away and we start a new year with a list of resolutions that involve handwashing, wearing masks and avoidance of other humans.

Yep, this new year will be celebrated, most likely with TikTok – which I never have used or seen for that matter. Maybe I could make a fortune with a 30-second video quaffing hot chocolate in a caribou-driven sled. I might change the song, though I’m not sure which band needs saving or reviving – or, in my case, remain in total obscurity.

Something will come out of this winter activity, as outdoor sports are encouraged. Uphill skiing anyone? Since there are few places here that have a good downhill ski slope, it might be more challenging to go uphill instead. Maybe flying drones around or even better, battling air drones. That would be fun, like a remote aerial dogfight in the skies. At night we could use laser beams that would set off a loud explosion sound and really make outdoor life fun again. As long as your batteries are good, you are good to go. All, of course, contact free.

As I quaff my marshmallow-topped hot chocolate thinking about a possible future for next year, I dream of different ways to make life fun again. I remember the good old days when crowds were wild and crazy and allowed to gather in great numbers.

We’re talking about greater numbers than in any fake news story about the size of the crowd at the inauguration of Donald what’s-his-name four years ago. Gone already are the memes that had anything to do with hair. Yes, it’s grey-hair times folks, a little less frightening south of the border when it comes to strange news. I will miss the daily entertainment of the orange guy, but I’m glad his long goodbye is the end to this year – something to be grateful for! 

Happy New Year everyone!

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Sonny Orr is Cree from Chisasibi, and has been a columnist for the Nation for over 20 years. He regularly pens Rez Notes from the cozy social club in Whapmagoostui where he resides.